MONDAY MORNING MAIL BAG

Dear Jinger and Izzy,

I'm a 32-year-old mother with a two-year-old, so I've decided to stop doing the slutty costumes at Halloween.

My friends are all moms with kids too, and they're planning on going to a Halloween party as TIGER WOODS' mistresses, which seems really inappropriate.

When women have kids, should they stop dressing in slutty Halloween costumes? What if they have nice bodies? Does being a parent mean you have to stop having fun on Halloween?

SHOULD YOU DRESS YOUR DOG UP FOR HALLOWEEN

We're less than a week away from Halloween. And with it comes the annual dilemma: Do you want to put an adorable but humiliating costume on your dog?

The question is, of course, if dogs can feel embarrassment. Different experts have different opinions on the matter. Here's what some of them have to say.

"The Pet Psychic" Sonya Fitzpatrick: "They feel everything. And they know when people laugh at them. I talk to thousands of animals . . . it really hurts their feelings."

Another pet psychic, Patrice Ryan: "Pets know they're loved by their owner, and then the owner is allowing people to look at them and have a good laugh. It sends conflicting messages to the pet. So the pet is not really happy with that."

Val Heart, animal communicator: Val isn't sure if dogs can be embarrassed or not, but, quote, "a lot has to do with the proper training to wear clothes that they've received and the responses or rewards they get when they're wearing it."

Tamar Geller, animal behaviorist: "Dogs don't like to stand out because of their wild heritage: Wolves singled out from the pack were more susceptible to attack. They've never been taught to associate being dressed up with pleasure."

Bonnie Beaver, a professor of veterinary medicine at Texas A&M: "If they're unhappy, [they're] probably reacting to the costumes themselves or the limited mobility they have when dressed up."

The verdict? Four experts are against dressing up your dog . . . although only the psychics think the costumes embarrass the animal. One expert says that if you dress them up, you'd better give them a lot of treats. Now you know.

MAN COLLECTS BELLY BUTTON LINT

World records don't get much stupider than this, folks. 45-year-old Graham Barker of Perth, Australia has made the "Guinness Book of World Records" for having the world's largest collection of BELLY BUTTON LINT.

That's right. Every day for the past 26 years . . . since he was 19 years old . . . Graham has picked the lint out of his belly button and put it into a jar.

All told, he's harvested 22.1 grams, or about 0.78 ounces. Which doesn't sound like a lot . . . but since your belly button only collects a tiny amount every day, it takes decades to get that much.

Graham says he picks his lint every day while he waits for the shower to warm up. He says, quote, "The whole process only takes about 10 seconds and has become automatic."

He started collecting his lint when he was bored one night . . . naturally . . . and saw how much was in his belly button. He was curious how much lint a person would produce. And from that, his ridiculous hobby was born.

THIS IS SCARY

The 15th International Clown Convention was held in Mexico City last week, and they tried to break a world record by having 700 clowns laugh for 20 minutes straight.

They only made it for 15 minutes, but I'm going to say it was still probably the scariest clown-related event in the history of Mexico